Magyar Egyház, 1975 (54. évfolyam, 1-12. szám)
1975-05-01 / 5. szám
10 MAGYAR EGYHÁZ IV Thus far the way to successful marriage lias heen threefold. I have urged upon you that you must continue to practice—or revive—the tender art of romance, that you must keep strong—or rebuild—the sagging bridge of communication, and that you must persist in—or resume—the exciting adventure of growing up together. Common to each of these is something you can do yourself. The fourth and final secret can well inspire you to do what must be done in the first three parts; yet it is more in the form of an offer from Another, that is, God. You can take it or leave it, but it seems to me that only a fool would let this offer pass: Fourth, and finally, you must receive the manifold resources of the Christian faith! Somebody here is ready to say they know of marriages that have been just fine without any religion at all. I know of some of these too, but I know also that every one of these Christ-less marriages could be more vital, more interesting, more wonderful if man and wife would both let Christ be Lord of their home. I say to you, my friend, that you need Christ in your home, not only to make yours a living faith, hut to make your marriage a blessing and a joy instead of an endurance contest. Let’s see what such a faith can do. Christ can make it possible for you to forgive what now seems to you to be unforgivable! A pagan may be able to overlook his mate’s sin or to ignore his fault, but the reason may well be that his love for the other does not run very deeply. A halfway Christian may be able to bypass the sin of his spouse, hut he will keep it smoldering just beneath the surface, so that now and again he will cut the other with nasty little words and deeds. The completely Christian attitude is entirely different and, in fact, out of reach for the unbeliever. The Christian can say to his husband or wife, “This WE have done.” If we are really “one flesh” are we not partly to blame for the sin of the other? The Christian also knows that God’s forgiveness is real and complete for himself, so that he can truly forgive and forget the sin of his loved one in gratitude to God for his own forgiveness. I have seen some splendid examples of this, the effect of which is not just to patch up a marriage, but to build it again on an altogether new and firmer footing. Christ can make you stronger than you ever thought possible! Marriage so often needs great strength. You took your husband, your wife, “for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.” Well, misfortunes do come and they can destroy a marriage not held firm by faith. “For worse” —one of the partners might take to drink or gambling or immorality. “For poorer”—sometimes through no fault of their own a couple must stand for years the pressure of living on the brink of financial want or catastrophe. “In sickness”—we all take our turn at this, and it is even harder to bear when our husband or wife is sick rather than ourselves. A marriage held together with the weak string of unbelief cannot stand these things. The divorce courts are full of such marriages that have not been able to stand the strain. However, marriages held together with the strong chain of faith are able to weather all adversity and to achieve closeness and even happiness in the facing of the vicissitudes of life together with one another and with God. Christ can make you thoroughly unselfish! Marriage at its best takes that—always! Each must be more ready to give than to get. This creates genuine happiness. Moreover, an unselfish attitude carries over into one’s relations with others. It is an attitude of soul that affects all of life and raises the sun up higher into the sky of living. Here is where so many marriages are blighted. A wise psychiatrist advised one of his patients to “cut some windows in your selfishness. You must do this not only to let the sun in hut to let your eyes look out.” He then went on to remind his patient that there are other people in the world, which was just what this patient and many unhappy people need to realize. Christ so lifts the level of life and with it comes the salutary by-product of genuine happiness. Christ enables man and wife to love each other with a superhuman love! Humanitarian, earthly love has its outer limits; the love of God does not. Therefore, if a man and a woman love God with all their heart and with all their soul and with all their mind, then they will love one another more than is otherwise possible. I share this fact with couples in premarital counseling. I tell them that paradoxically the more they love God the more they will be able to love one another. The primary love of God nourishes and increases the secondary love for one’s spouse. This kind of love is what it takes to lift marriage into the heights of joy. I conclude with this thought: The secret of marriage at its beautiful best is to let it be a threesome— Man, Woman, and God. Without the Almighty, marriage can exist, but it cannot be the glorious and blessed estate that God intended for all His children. ☆ ☆
