Magyar Egyház, 1975 (54. évfolyam, 1-12. szám)
1975-05-01 / 5. szám
MAGYAR EGYHÁZ 9 also talk about our personalities and the kind of persons we are turning out to be. In kindness, each can help the other to develop at this point. If there is anybody to whom we should really open our hearts, it should be the one to whom we spoke our marriage vows. Someone has said that marriage is first and foremost a “sanctified friendship.” Should we not be friends as well as lovers? And being friends, do not overlook the fact that it takes time to trim the lamp of friendship. There are few things more important than spending time with one another each day. It may be those precious moments of quietness when at last the children fall asleep. It may be the lingering time spent over a meal in a restaurant. It may be a walk, hand in hand, after dark. You see, there needs to be intimate personality contact. There needs to be time to communicate fully with your husband or wife so that the little resentments don’t have time to gather momentum. There needs to be time enough to share your thoughts and feelings so completely that you know you are both pulling through life in the same direction. Ill Third, you must resume the exciting adventure of growing up! As Paul wrote so aptly, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” There is, of course, a certain amount of pain in giving up childish ways, but each new vista opening up before the growing person is more wondrous than that which has gone before. We need to realize too that maturity is never something we achieve fully. Rather, it is the goal toward which the growing life, the growing couple, is aiming. For all its hard parts, growing toward one’s golden years and the Heaven beyond through Christ is an exciting adventure. The simple fact is that some married partners aren’t growing anymore. Some husbands and wives aren’t any more grown up in their words and their actions and their outlook than two kindergartners. This spells catastrophe! Two married but spoiled “children” cannot long endure together. What is more, they will miss so much of the fun and happiness they might otherwise have had. And when one of the love partners grows more mature and the other doesn’t, that is tragic too and the cause of the ruination of many a would-be happy home. Therefore, I stress the crucial need for growth and for maturity in this life. To start with let me say that unless you are now in the process of growing up, you will not be able to have a useful and constructive marital squabble. We must admit the fact that where two red-blooded, allthe-way-alive people are living together as husband and wife there are bound to be disagreements, arguments, fights. You will accept this premise, won’t you? But now, the question emerges, What will the fight acccomplish? If marital quarrels are nothing more than childish eruptions of emotion, they will drive a wedge between the couple until there is little left of the marriage. If, on the other hand, two grownup people air their differences, their misunderstandings like adults, something fine and good can come out of it. Believe it or not, marital quarrels do not need to be scarring; they can be like glue binding a couple ever closer together. Together, two mature people in love can find their way through to a solution to whatever the problem that caused the argument. Two mature people in love can learn something about themselves and each other they didn’t know before and thus actually use a marital disagreement as a level for growth and understanding. Two mature people in love, without pouting and recriminations, can kiss and make up and be closer than ever. What I am saying is that with childish temper-tantrum type fights you lose; the other way you gain. I would, however, sound this caution: Even though a marital quarrel can be productive, it must be used sparingly and carefully. It is strong medicine—not to be taken at the slightest irritation. It is often very painful to grow up emotionally, but it is well worth the cost. As long as we are talking about growth, let me also say that it is important in marriage to have a healthy sense of humor. This demands a definite degree of maturity. Do you know any couple falling out of love that enjoys laughing together? I don’t! To enjoy humorous happenings together and especially to be adult enough to laugh at one’s self is worth growing into. To paraphrase another familiar saying with one that is just as true: the family that laughs together stays together! When did you last have a good laugh with your wife or husband? It is great fun to grow up with the bride of your youth. Try it! If a rose refused to change, it would never be more than a plain little bud; there would be no bloom. The same is true of people. Someone has said, “Life is like the North Pole—if you stand still you freeze to death.” This has accounted for many a big freeze in marriage. Grow up! Grow up together! Love, read, work, travel, have fun, worship—together! And your marriage will open into full bloom.
