Verhovayak Lapja, 1949 (32. évfolyam, 1-12. szám)
1949 / Verhovay Journal
PAGE 8 FAMILY PORTRAIT Verhovay — Joseph, Frank and Jacob Torda: they have shared 240 years of life. — On Wednesday, July 27th, 1949, Mr. Jacob Torda, Sr., celebrated his 75th birthday. A party in his honor was held on Sunday afternoon, the 31st of July, at brother Ed Torda’s place. What a beautiful day it was, clear, cool, with plenty of sunshine, an ideal day for a lawn party such as took place on this occasion. The food was plentiful and nothing short of being the very best in home-made cooking, especially the “kolbász” made by Dad himself. All sorts of Hungarian pastries, heaps of delicious potato salad and ham, plus refreshments completed the menu. A pleasant crowd of some forty people assembled in the best of spirits for the memorable occasion. It was a fine tribute to Mr. Jacob Torda, Sr., not only because he happens to be my Dad, but also because of his unquenchable spirit and untiring efforts as a Verhovayan of true valor. Glancing around at the assembled crowd one couldn’t help noticing that the vast majority of the relatives and friends are Verhovay members. Dad himself was quite active in his earlier days and it is only due to his sustained efforts and kind words of encouragement that I can say that dad is the daddy of a large Verhovay family including many a friend beyond the immediate family circle. He had a wonderful time on his birthday and to help make it even finer, his two older brothers were with him on this occasion. The three brothers posed together for the camera bugs and many a picture was taken. Something special, indeed, having a picture of them that would be treasured in any family album. Mr. Jacob Torda Sr., is 75, his brother, Mr. Frank Torda 79, and the oldest brother, Mr. Joseph Torda, 86. A grand total of 240 years of age between the three brothers! With the blessings of God and the best wishes of their families and friends, m|iy they go on enjoying fine health and happiness for many more years to come. Your Br. 366 Highlighter, Bill Torda. Adolescent Boys Need Father’s Companionship Most, Experts Say September 21, 1949 29 MILLION CHILDREN LEARN HOW TO LIVE IN NATION’S SCHOOLS Journal--------------------------------— They’ll Learn It, Too, If Parents Did Their Job Well. — Many a father and his adolescent son have become complete strangers, largely because they see so little of each other and because the father is so often called in to do the big punishing jobs. Adolescence is the time when a boy needs his father most and when they could both become good friends by sharing their time and their interests, according to child expert Toni Taylor. Writing in McCall’s for September, in collaboration with Dr. Alice V. Keliher, of New York University’s School of Education, she has these suggestions to make to parents: “A father alone can fulfill some of his son’s most pressing needs during adolescence. It is he who provides a ‘blueprint’ of the adult male for his boy. It is he who must understand and acknowledge the conflicts that disturb his son’s ‘growing up.’ And it is he who must help the child to overcome destructive behavior by showing him the reason for it. “Adolescence is a lonely age when the child may feel like a pariah, unable to please adults and often at odds with his own companions. This feeling of isolation can be relieved immeasurably by a father who remembers the trials of his own adolescence and assures his son that his problems and worries are common to. most adolescents. “This is the time for a father to let his son know what he believes in, to show him how he earns the family living, to let him go into town with him, see where he works and meet some of his co-workers. To the boy this is evidence that he ^ being accepted by men and, more important, by the one man whose respect he most needs. “A man who perhaps puts aside a pleasurable hobby in the early days of a busy career may now find that it is something he and his son can enjoy together.1 The boy will be delighted to discover that his father is a whiz at fishing or carpentry. The father may learn that his son, despite the testimony of his report card, learns quickly and well. Moslj important of all, father and son are likely to discover that they enjoy each ether. “If a boy knows that he will not be ridiculed he can reveal some of his inner thoughts and feelings. He can ask what he wants to know about sex; he can tell his father how he feels about girls; and he can begin to understand himself. “A wise father will not tell his son what to think; he will help him to think for himself. And he will be more impressed by direct contact with his boy’s active, inquiring mind than by his grade in arithmetic. “And a wise mother will do everything she can do to promote a rich contact between her husband and son. She will not only discuss the boy’s progress with his father, she will see that her husband has a chance to judge for himself. By taking a fair share of their son’s discipline on her own shoulders, by being alert and sensitive to the needs of each for the other, she will discover that her value to both is deeper than she may ever have thought possible.” , Early morning, on Tuesday, September 6th, an event of inestimable importance took place all over the United States. The doors of nearly 216,000 schools were thrown open and some 832,000 teachers, 83% of them women, marched in for the first roll call of the school year 1948-49, to which 29,067,000 grade and high school students were to answer, “Here!” Never before in the history of the world were so many children enrolled in the public schools of any country. With more than 29 million school children tailing up the studies that are supposed to prepare and train them for useful citizenship, public education unquestionably is the most important undertaking and the greatest ‘industry’ of our land. Some of the children rejoiced, many of them mourned on that morning over the end of happy vacation days. Life in school demands attention to subjects both interesting and uninteresting, it demands adjustments to routines and surroundings, it requires discipline and the resigning of liberties that are held dear by children. For the purpose of attaining knowledge and of becoming useful for society as well as for themselves, schoolchildren must adjust themselves to spending six, seven hours each day in cramped quarters, rubbing elbows with other children, both the liked and the disliked, listening to and doing what they are told by the teachers, both the liked and the disliked, learning things they want to know as well as things they don’t want to know, and participating in activities both pleasant and unpleasant. In other words, in addition to the subjects taught in the school, they learn how to live in circumstances imposed upon them, how to live with their schoolmates and how to get along with those in authority. This aspect of school life is as important, if not more so, as the teaching part, because an adult may get along nicely without a great deal of knowledge in geography, history and other subjects, but no one can get anywhere in life who has not learned how to get along with his fellowmen, how to adjust himself to conditions of employment, how to adapt himself to an environment imposed upon Rim by circumstances beyond his control, how to follow rules of conduct that assure smooth and pleasant relations. MALADJUSTED CHILDREN Children who are used to having their own way in everything, did not rejoice over the opening of schools. Nor will they be apt to find any pleasure in attending school where leniency so generously practiced by doting fathers and mothers cannot possibly be made the rule. For those who enjoyed unlimited liberty throughout vacation days, school is like a prison, inviting defiance and rebellion. These children are tough customers for the teachers and bad influences for their schoolmates. They retard the progress of their classes. They are trouble makers, fomenters of hate, leaders of rowdy gangs. They ridicule the ambitious and refuse to participate in any competition of mental skill practiced by the schools. Some of them change, many of them don’t. They come out of school as they went in. And what they took to school in the first place, they carry along into adult life. Much of our present ills is caused by these bad tempered customers who, twenty, thirty or fourty years ago, were | mere first graders entering school with the gleam of rebellion or the dullness of defiance in their eyes. The first report cards to be brought home by the first graders will show their parents what kind of a job they had done during the first six years of their offsprings. Those report cards, especially the marks on “conduct,” “citizenship,” “attendance,” “attention” etc., will show them where they have failed and where they will continue failing unless they mend their own ways with their children. No child can be expected to have two personalities: a pleasant, cooperative, adaptable personality for show and an unpleasant, uncooperative, uncontrolled personality for private use at home. He cannot be a better person in school than he is at home. SCHOOL IS LIFE When confronted with discouraging traits in their offspring, most people like to comfort themselves saying “Oh, well, he’ll outgrow it.” They think when the child will get' out of school and enter the “altogether different” conditions of adult life, he’ll automatically make the proper adjustments. But that’s wishful thinking. Children outgrow thumbsucking, a dislike for spinach and the belief in Santa Claus, but they don’t outgrow basic tendencies of character, developed during the first few years of their life. These tendencies are seldom outgrown, mostly they grow up with the children. Then, too, it is a great mistake to think of adult life as being entirely different from school life. Actually, conditions in school are very similar, if not identical, with those; faced by adults. The employer takes the place of the teacher. The fellow-employees take the place of the schoolmates. The office or the shop takes the place of the classroom. Working conditions replace the discipline at school. Life, with a aapital “L” does not begin after graduation, but in first grade. As far as rules of conduct are concerned, the life of the adult is no different from that of a schoolchild. School is life. That’s why the maladjusted schoolchild will grow up into a maladjusted man. If he could not get along with his schoolmates, he will hardly get along any better with his fellowworkers. If he disliked his teachers, he will hate his employers. If he could not adapt himself to school discipline, he will much less be able to adjust himself to working conditions. MALADJUSTED ADULT As a result, he will find it all but impossible to ' hang on to his job. Any kind of job. And even if he should be lucky enough to find an unusually tolerant employer, he will be unhappy in his job. He will be a self-made failure just like he was in school. And he will blame the “jealousy” of his fellow-employees, the “prejudices” of his boss and the “inhuman” working conditions for his failure, just as he blamed his schoolmates, his teachers and the teaching methods for his failure in school. Instead of doing something to improve his attitude, he will spend all his time and energy at explaining and compensating for his failure. While beating his wife because she happens to refuse to submit to slavery, he will propound to his fellowworkers the doctrine that the worst (Continued an page 9)
