Verhovayak Lapja, 1940. január-június (23. évfolyam, 1-26. szám)
1940-02-15 / 7. szám
Page 12 February 15, 1940. THE Verhovayak Lapja HUMOROUS VEIN ♦♦♦ Trouble With Wives An early visitor says that a man out West got himself into trouble by marrying two wives. A western editor replied by assuring his contemporary that a good many men in that section have done the same thing by marrying one. A northern editor reports that quite a number of his acquaintances found trouble by merely promising to marry without going any further. * * * No Rounder A big husky from the neighboring lumber camp was watching the unpacking. “What’s them things?’’ he asked, pointing to a package. “Pajamas,”replied the clerk. “Pajamas?What pajamas?” “Night clothes. Want to buy a suit?” “Heck, no!” said the lumberjack. “I ain’t no social rounder. When night comes I go to bed.” * * * Easy The young couple sat at a night club table and cooed heavily. “We could get married easily,” whispered the boy. “My father’s a minister.” “Okay,” returned the girl promptly. “Let’s try it. My father’s a lawyer.” * * % Modern girls are far more interested in mending a man’s ways than in mending his socks. * * * His Way Schoolmistress: “I didn’t have no fun at the seaside.' How should I correct that, Tommy?” Tommy: “Get a sweetheart, miss.” * * * Next A comely colored girl had just been baptized in the river. As she came to the surface she cried, “Bless de Lawd, Ise saved! Las’ night I was in de ahms of Satan, but tonight Ah’m in de ahms of de Lawd!” “Sistuh,” came a baritone voice from the shore, “how is yo fixed up for tomorrow ebening?” Smart Lad • Danny went to school for the, first time and, like many other little boys’ fathers, Danny’s dad asked him how he liked his teacher. “All right,” was the reply“Is your teacher smart?” teasingly persisted the questioner. “Well, she knows more than I do,” admitted Danny. * * * Still Better A self-styled reformer was watching a trench being dug by modern machine methods. He said to the superintendent: “This machine has taken jobs from scores of men. Why don’t you junk that machine and put one hundred men in that ditch with shovels?” The superintendent promptly retorted: “Or better still, why not put a thousand men in there with teaspoons!” * * * Scotch They tell about the Scotch man who* is learning the Braille system—so that he can do his evening reading without running up the electric light bill. * * * “See” You can lead a fraternity man to water, but why disappoint him? * * * How To Pick ’Em The A.A.A. says that the best way for a gal to test her future mate is to watch him drive. (If he bullies other drivers, he’s just a big bully. If he snarls in traffic jams, he’ll growl all over the living room. And if he’s reckless with other people’s safety, he won’t gave a d— about his wife’s.) * * * Feels Better Dr. Stitcher: “Ah, you are looking- very much better today, Mr. Wimpus.” Wimpus: “Yes, Doc, I followed the instructions on that bottle of medicine you gave me.” Dr. Stitcher: “Indeed. That is fine. But let me see —what were they?” Wimpus: “Keep the bottle weQl corked.” * *■ * “Oral” Speedometer Chides Auto Drivers Among the reported new inventions is one called the Oral Speedometer, which operates with a phonograph attachment. It has the following to say as the driver’s speed increases: At 35 m.p.h.: “Too fast for city driving. We hope you’re in the country. At 45 m.p.h.: “Your car is still under control, but watch the car behind, the car ahead of you. Have you had your brakes tested recently? At 50 m.p.h.: “Your responsibility is increasing. Keep your eyes on the road.” At 60 m.p.h.: “Are your insurance premiums paid to date?” At 70 m.p.h.: “You drive. This attachment will do the praying.” At 80 m.p.h.: “Someone will probably have this car repaired. If so, we thank you for the sale of a new speedometer to replace this one which in a few moments is going to hell along with you.” * * * He Knows Dr. Slycem: “Yes, Mr. Crabshaw, I’m positive that it is some chronic evil that has deprived you of your health and happiness.” Crabshaw: “Sh-s-sh! For heaven’s sake, Doc, speak softly—she’s waiting in the next room.” * * ❖ Blackmail Pop: “Well, I received a note from your teacher today.” Son: “Honest, Pop? Give me a quarter and I wont breathe a word about it.” * * $ Indefinite Mother: “Have a good time at the dance tonight, dear, and be a good girl.” Daughter: “Make up your mind, Mother.” * * * Absolutely A teacher was giving his class a lecture on charity. “Willie,” he said, “if I saw a boy beating a donkey, and I stopped him from doing so, what virtue should I be showing?” “Brotherly Love,” Willie retorted promptly. * * * One Manifestation Love and electricity have never been satisfactorily defined. But we can name at least one manifestation they have in common. When a high voltage of either permeates a human being the victim is rendered senseless. Her Proof There was the lady who swore that she had baked over a thousand pies during her married life, and could have proved it if her husband had lived. * * * More Sense Wifey: “Don’t you think, dear, that a man has more sense after he’s married?” Hubby: “Yes, but it’s too late then.” * * * Dry Goods He: “And who made the first cotton gin?” Young Thing: “Heavens! Are they making it from that, too?” * * * Modern Version Some people, says a cynic, seem to think that their marriage vows are only binding “until debt do us part.” * * * “Edge”-cation And then there is the college boy who got extremely tight drinking punch at the fraternity dance before he was told there wasn’t any liquor in it. # * * Good Joke A passenger in an airplane was far up in the sky when the pilot began to laugh historically. Passenger: “What’s the joke?” Pilot: “I’m thinking of what they’ll say at the asylum-when they find out I have escaped.” Butterfly Gaily danced the butterfly In the air, then by and by Flickered lotv and kissed the flowers, All through the morning hours. Dew was fresh upon the grass When the gay fellow first did pass. Sipping from the cups of love, But now he lifts his flightabove. And leaves the earth where once he crept A creeping thing, unloved, inept. And dances in the midday light A livinq flower, in madcap flight! —Amelia Nyers. South Bend, Ind.--------------O-------------A four-bladed propeller has been developed for fast airplanes to increase their speed without increasing the length of the propeller blades. ♦ * * Agricultural and livestock products comprise about 95 per cent of Argentina’s exports, Great Britain being its leading market and the United States ranking second. * * * The motions of fishes’ tails are imitated by a California inventor’s device for propelling row boats and canoes by persons who move a pair of handles vertically. NEWS FACTS 'foCEOBCE «ft • • ) SYRACUSE.NY. MRS. WM. BORR ATE AN EGG COOKED FOR HER OH A , HOT SIDEWALK DURING A BLISTERING MIDSUMMER DAY/ fcw’jr SPRINGF/EIR Ohio* CY. YOUNG, FAMED PITCHER, IS NOW WORKING ON A FARM OUT HERE. HE PITCHED FOR 22 YRS, WON 511 GAMES OUT OF «93- 3 NO HIT, NO RUN CONTESTS, WITH CLEVELAND AND BOSTON-OF THE MAJOR LEAGUES/
