Magyar Egyház, 1974 (53. évfolyam, 1-12. szám)
1974-01-01 / 1. szám
MAGYAR EGYHÁZ 9 “People who visit a funeral home ask ‘how are you?’ and talk about the weather,” a minister said. He criticized the tendency to “hand out tranquilizers” to survivors, stating that the numbness and shock often following death in the family provide a natural defense. “When I go to see the widow later she says, ‘I don’t even know what happened,’ ” he related. He recommended involvement in funeral arrangements as a good antidote for grief. This recommendation was echoed by funeral director Roy V. Nichols. “The ritual of death belongs to the survivor,” said Nichols. “I have yet to see a body that needs a funeral. I have seen people who need funerals.” Nichols conducts young people’s rap sessions on death at his funeral home. He was critical of people who prearrange their own funerals. “The person dies and the wheels turn and the spouse is left to sit in her armchair with her withdrawal and denial defenses because she has nothing to do,” he said. “That is not healthy.” He warned of two pitfalls when making arrangements after a death: — Trying to avoid dealing with death by turning all arrangements over to professionals. — Ostentation, often resulting from wanting nothing but the best in this last task performed for the dead person. To avoid ostentation, the funeral director recommended taking along a minister or friend when making funeral arrangements. He criticized both the traditional funeral and immediate disposition of the body, whether through burial or cremation, as too “body centered.” Nichols listed some additional guidelines for funerals: — The more unwanted a death the more ceremony should be structured around it to ease people past denial of the death. (President Kennedy’s funeral was an example of this rule.) — Involve children whenever possible so they become used to the idea of death. — Don’t let the funeral become a social status symbol. — Consider the value of viewing the dead body and of having it present at the funeral. The funeral director quoted Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, author of “On Death and Dying” and a lecturer in the church series, on the value of viewing the body: “She said that she has yet to find anyone in her psychiatric experience who sustained an unwanted death, refused to view the body and made a complete recovery.” When my mother died our family brought her body home following Amish custom. She “lay in state” in her bedroom. To be able to walk in whenever I felt like it was a very comforting and unpressured way of saying goodby to her. For those people who refuse to attend a person’s funeral because “I want to remember him as he was when he was alive,” Nichols had a few words. “That is a copout,” he said. “You go to a funeral to support the family, because it is a public support system for survivors,” said Nichols. CONSOLATION There is never a life so darkened, So hopeless and unblessed, But may be filled with the light of God And enter His promised rest. There is never a sin or sorrow, There is never a care or loss, But that we may bring to Jesus And leave at the foot of the cross. Christ Raising Lazarus. Jno. 11:1-46.
