William Penn Life, 2002 (37. évfolyam, 1-11. szám)
2002-11-01 / 10. szám
Charitable Ideas Charity begins at home How parents can recognize and develop the caring impulses of children from Points of Light Foundation The spirit of charity exists in all of us. It is the innate response to suffering reflected in the tears of a child when he hears a sad story. It is the unexpected kindness of a toddler who shares his "teddy" with a crying visitor. Charity or empathy is a human impulse which must be developed along a series of fluid stages. Martin Hoffman, a psychologist at New York University, has researched empathy for more than 20 years. He has developed a five-stage model that explains how children develop empathy. 1. At the first stage, a newborn is not able to differentiate between his own distress and that of another. That is why when one baby in the nursery cries, they usually all join in. 2. At the second stage, the child has learned that he is separate from others, but still experiences distress when others suffer. 3. Sometime after the end of the first year, the child begins to exercise pro-active compassion. Here, the child is most likely to use strategies he finds comforting when he is distressed. For example, if a child sees a hungry man, the child may offer him a piece of candy or a cookie because that is what he would want. 4. Role playing develops during the pre-school years where the child learns to empathize. The child can imagine situations he has not experienced such as financial distress, severe hunger, and fears. 5. The final stage is progressive throughout the child's elementary and adult life. He is capable of understanding the social situations that cause suffering and can feel the plight of an entire group of people. This becomes the underpinning of moral convictions and social justice. What can parents do to help their children move through these stages? According to the American Psychological Association "What Makes Kids Care?" the parent can let the children know how much it means that they behave with kindness and responsibility. Here are a few suggestions:- Talk with your children about treating others with respect- Model caring and compassionate behavior toward others, and as a family routine- Be honest with your children about the behavior you expect- Surround your children with people who are also compassionate Making Memories In the movie, The Bells of Saint Mary, Bing Crosby gives an old miser advice for improving his health. He tells the old man that helping others will make his heart get stronger. While this may be unproven medically (although some research suggest it's not too far off), it is true emotionally. Nothing builds self-esteem like helping someone. Service is strong "heart medicine!" Research indicates that heightened self-worth can be reexperienced whenever the act is remembered. Therefore, it makes sense to provide our children with memory tools to help them recall all their compassionate deeds. Kids go through so many emotions which are just part of growing up. A charity memory book can be an on-going reminder of what they have done. Here are some ideas for developing a memory book that will become a meaningful and lasting part of their experience: • Ask your kids to draw pictures of the people who will benefit from their project. • Save thank you letters from organizations or individuals you have received. • Record your children's ideas and impressions as they engage in their deeds. • Take photos during each project and record details. • Record quotes from people who receive your project or friends who hear about what your children are doing. • Ask one child to remember and record (perhaps draw a picture of) the nicest thing a friend did this year. • Discuss each finished project and record their opinions, learnings, and suggestions for next time. |np| | Charity Links For more information and ideas on how to raise caring children and on the benefits of volunteering as a family, log onto the website of the Points of Life Foundation at: 3 www.pointsofiight.org 6 William Pena Lilt, November 2002
