Verhovayak Lapja, 1943. július-december (26. évfolyam, 26-53. szám)
1943-09-30 / 40. szám
rnge o September 30, 1943 Verhovayak Lapja Tlhe Humorous Vein ODE TO SELECTIVE SERVICE HIGH NOTE Builders’ Foreman: “Excuse me, but are you the lady wot’s singing?” Lady: “Yes, I was singing. Why?” Foreman: “Well, might I ask you not to hang onto top note so long. The men have knocked off twice already, mistakin’ it for the dinner whistle.” INTO REVERSE! Golfer: “Doctor, you remember you recommended golf to take my mind off my work?” Doctor: “Yes.” Golfer: “Well can you prescribe something now to get it back again?” BACKFIRE Corporal (at dance): “Do you see that ugly sap of an officer over there? He’s the meanest egg I ever saw! ” She: “Do you know who I am? I’m that officer’s daughter.” Corporal: “Do you know who I am?” She: “No.” Corporal: “Thank God!” THEIR CUE At the choir practice in the little church, they were practicing a new anthem. “Now, don’t forget,” said the choirmaster, “the tenors will sing alone until we come to ‘the gates of Hell,’ then you all come in.” REWARDED Reveler (displaying hatful of money) — “Look what people kept giving me as I came home.” Wife—‘What on earth were you doing?’ Reveler—“Shinging.” IMPRESSIVE A young lawyer, seeing his first client at the door, thought to impress him. Picking up the telephone he spoke as follows: “Yes, I got you a judgment for $10,000 .. . Oh, well it was easy... all in knowing how,... er, pardon me (looking up) and what can I do for you, sir?” “I’ve come to connect your telephone, sir.’”-----v----Don't think every sad eyed woman has loved and lost—perhaps she got him.-----v----HER REASON The “cullud” lady gave jher name, her address, and tier age; and then the clerk of registration asked this question: “What party are you affiliated with?” “Does I have to answer that?” “That is the law.” “Den you just scratch my name offen de books. Ef I got to tell dat party’s name, Ah don’t vote, dat’s all. Why he ain’t got his divorce yet.”-----v----Teacher: “Has anyone a question to ask?” Willie: “Yes, ma’am. Can a shortsighted person have a far-away look in his eyes?’”-----v----GOING HOME Johnson—I was held up by two men last night. Jackson—Where? Johnson—All the way home.-----v----SHE'LL TELL “You can’t see Mr. White,” said the sharp-faced woman to the political canvasser. ‘ But I want to find out what party he belongs to,” said the canvasser. “I can tell you that,” said the woman, “take a good look at me, I’m the party he belongs to.-----v----SAVING Bride: “I saved $2.19 out of this week’s allowance.” Groom: Fine, how did you do it?” Bride: “One of the installment collectors didn’t show up.”-----v----Mistress (hearing crash in kitchen): “More dishes, Mary?” Mary: No, ma’am, less.” -----v----RIGHT ANSWER A psychiatric board was testing the mentality of a Negro soldier. Examiner: Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices come from? Negro: Yes, suh! Examiner: And when does this occur? Negro: When I answers the telephone. CAN’T UNDERSTAND Very late one night two chaps who had been imbibing too freely struck up an acquaintanceship on the street corner. One was heard to ask the other, “What does your wife shay when you shtay out late like thish?” “Haven’t got a wife,” the other replied. “Then why do you shtay out late like thish?” LATE AGAIN “This is the fourth morning you’ve been late, Rufus,” observed the gentleman to his colored chauffeur. “Yassuh”, responded Rufus, “Ah did oversleep mahself ag’in dis mornin’, suh.” “Don’t you ever wind up the alarm clock I gave you?” I remember ’twas only some ten months ago That they classified me in 1-A And a couple of wise guys came down for a laugh When the corporal marched me away. I had hardly been gone from my home town a week When that son-of-a-gun in 3-A Took over my job at the vinegar works (Only he got just double my pay.) And almost as soon as my troop train pulled out That flat footed guy in 1-B Started running around with my girl friend at home Who had promised to stay true to me. But justice is justice, each dog has his day And those guys in 3-A and 1-B Were reclassified so that they now drill all day And cuss at their sergeant—THAT’S ME! BANANA PEELINGS U. S. Naval Air Station, Bana River, Florida. “Oh, yassuh, Ah winds it up eveh night, suh.” “Then I dont’t understand why it is you don’t get up when the alarm goes off.” “Dat’s de trouble, suh. Don’t you see, de blame thing goes off while Ah’m asleep, suh.” E NO PRIVACY Lew: “Where’ve you been, Frank?” Frank: “In a telephone booth talking to my girl.” Lew: “Didn’t take you long this time.” Frank: “No, darn it. Somebody wanted to use the telephone and we had to get out.** verywhere our aratod tore»« aro smashing the enemy back in the new aggressive war oi INVASION. They are your sons, husband, brothers, sweetheart, lather, relatives and lriends. They ask only one thing—that vou back them up ALL THE WAT. With Victory coming nearer, you must not iail our boys—your soldier, sailor or marine. You're not asked to give a cent every dollar you can scrape up into the world's safest investment—War Bonds, äff •3!wr3i Buy at least one extra $100 War Bond during this $13,000,000,000 3rd War Loan Drive in addition to your regular bondbuying. Everyone who possibly can must invest at least $100. Some of you must invest thousands. Take it out oi income, take-sib it out of idle and acoumulated funds. Start "scratching
