Verhovayak Lapja, 1941. július-december (24. évfolyam, 27-52. szám)
1941-08-28 / 35. szám
t Page 12 — THE—" -HUMOROUS =VEIN== ___Verhovayak Lapja___ August 28, 194 Checking Up Sonny: “Mom, teacher asked us about our families today, and whether we had any brothers or sisters.” Mom: “That was nice of her. What did you say about your family?" Sonny: “I said I was an only child.” Mom: “What did teacher say then?” Sonny: “She sighed, and I heard her say ‘Thank Heaven’ under her breath.” To The Point “Children,” said the schoolmistress to her class of young hopefuls, “I want you all to write an essay on ‘The funniest thing I ever saw'.” The class commenced, but one small hoy managed to finish before the others. “Let me see your effort first,” said the teacher. The boy produced a paper, on which was written: “The funniest thing I ever saw was too funny for words.” Magic Needed Husband (to photographer) : “You have not made my wife look very attractive.” Photographer: “Sir I am a photographer ( not a plastic surgeon.” Tough On Dad Little Daughter: “Why is father singing so much tonight?” Mother: “He is trying to sing the baby to sleep.” Little Daughter: “Well, if £ was baby, I’d pretend I was asleep.” Something Due Toby—“Oh, Howard, how lovely of you to bring me these beautiful roses! How sweet they are, and how fresh! I do believe there is a little dew on them still!-’ Howard—“W-well, yes, there is; but I’ll pay it tomorrow!” Sorta “Anxiously” Stage Producer: “My dear chap, that won’t do .at all. You must look into her face anxiously.. Try to imagine you’re in a taxi, watching the face of the meter.” His Method Minister: “Do you say your prayers at night, little boy?” Jimmy: “Yes, sir.” Minister: “And do you always, say them in the morning-, too?” Jimmy: “No, sir. I ain’t scared in the daytime.” Not Taking Chances It was 3 o’clock in the morning and the guard was rather suspicious of the man in evening clothes who walked slowly along the street, crossing and recrossing the road. “Out rather late, aren’t you?” asked the guard. “Perhaps it is a little late,” agreed the man, “but it’s about the only chance a pedestrian has these days.” Rough Going Golfer: “Terrible links, caddy!” Caddy: “Sorry, sir, these aren’t the links. You got off them an hour ago. We’re in Mrs. Smith’s rock garden.” In School “Now children,” said the teacher, “can anyone tell me the meaning of ‘unaware’?” A tiny hand waved frantically in the air. Spunky Keller: “Please, mum, unaware is what you put on first and take off last.” Or Henpecked Mabel: “I know a man who has been married seven years and he spends every evening at home.” Matty: “That’s what I call love!” Mabel: “The doctor calls it paralysis.” Their Ideas “No, Elmer, I can’t marry you. The man whom I’m going to marry must be upright and square.” “You don’t want a husband—you want a piano.” The Price “What did you operate on nim for?” “$800.” “I mean, what did he have?” “$800.” Easter Bonnet Milliner: “That dark hat goes wonderfully well with your pale complexion, madam.” Customer (breathlessly): “But I only became pale when I heard the price.” Encouraging “I was out with a nurse, last night.” “Cheer up, maybe your mother will let you go out without her some time.” . No Faith “You just can’t trust anybody nowadays. Why, my own grocer gave me a phony quarter in change this morning.” “Let me see it.” “Oh. I haven’t got it any more. I gave it to the milkman.” Deceived A Scotchman, learnim that a certain doctor chargee $5 for the first visit and only $2 for the second walked into the doc’s office one day and said: “Well, doctor, here I am again.” “I don’t remember you,” replied the doctor. “At any rate, how are you feeling?” “Not at all well, doctor, not at all well.” “Just continue your last prescription for another week, then; two dollars, please.” Hubby Was Spared A motorist was giving a woman lessons in driving. “The hand lever,” he said, “brakes the rear wheels only, and the floor pedal brakes all four. Is that clear?” “M’yes,” replied the woman, doubtfully, “but I’d rather not have any of them broken.” Horse Sense A farmer once asked the editor of a country paper for advice, as follows; “I have a horse that at, times appears normal, but at other times is lame to an alarming degree. What shall I do? ’ The reply came: “The next time your horse appears normal, sell him.” Not Very “Was your old man in comfortable circumstances when he died?” Mrs. Macpherson: “No, ’e was halfway under a train.” UTTLE JULIUS SNEEZER BY BAKER
