The Hungarian Student, 1958 (3. évfolyam, 1-2. szám)
1958-10-01 / 1. szám
The Age of Education BY ALADÁR F. GYÖRGYE Y An event of enormous significance to our historical knowledge has shaken the scholarly world in this year of 2064. Fragments of a diary have been found which date back to the Age of Education. The Literary Council of the United World has announced its intention of supporting further research in the hope of recovering all of this remarkable manuscript. It is, of course, hardly necessary to give the dates of the period known as the Age of Education. Everybody is well aware of them. In the second half of the twentieth century the United States of America feared the apparently rapid progress of Russian science and education and reacted violently to it. The author of the diary is unknown, but his work is invaluable to our understanding of the achievements and limitations of that period. Here are the fragments: “September 1, 1960. America jerked into action. High time! Up to now we have been trying in vain to arouse our sluggish people. We attempted to warn them by pointing to the sky where about 1,917 satellites have been orbiting in outer space of which only 529 were launched by Americans. The stupid anti-development forces in America charge that the Russians claim 345 natural meteorites as Soviet Sputniks. But the American people are finally awake. “December 31, 1960. The director of the Ford plant in Detroit has decided to convert the main buildings of the factory into a technological institute. And just in the nick of time! ... “Frightful news arrived from Russia. According to a scientific dispatch, the research techniques of the average milkmaid from Nissgij- Hovgorod in the collective farm belt are 152% more precise than those of the widows of American federal judges.” “January 1, 1962. We progress slowly. Today the president announced that the House had passed a bill making education compulsory up to the age of 40. . . . The chairman of the board of directors of the toothpick industry and the remaining automobile producers made it known today that their workshops are being remodeled into classrooms. ... “Naturally, we are late again. According to an unofficial report, a group of retired Morolviu fishermen in Siberia have devised a system whereby it is possible to multiply and divide by the heretofore inscrutable zero. The youngest is 90 years old. “ . .. . 1964. America is in mourning. Tomius, a reporter from Took magazine has arrived from the Soviet Union. In the foothills of the Ural Mountains he encountered a threeyear-old Kirgor shepherd boy who doubted the validity of the Einstein theory of relativity. Tomius first asked the boy’s opinion of the Heisenberg uncertainty principle. The little lad, whose name was Utymiik, cast a sophisticated glance in Tomius’ direction as he chewed on a bit of well-ripened cheese, but made no answer. Tomius was shocked. He inquired whether or not Utymiik still endorsed the outmoded relativity theory. “Nyet,” replied the three-year-old shepherd boy, and went on his way with the remaining bits of cheese. Such is the level of these people.... “Sunrise the following day. According to an on-the-spot telecast, a night session of the Senate passed a bill making education compulsory from the age of two.” “ . .. . 1966. The State of Texas decided by plebiscite to transform itself into a university. ... Flogging has been authorized as an acceptable punishment in the elementary schools.” “September 30, 1967. It is all over. A reporter from the Babies’ Home Journal talked with a two-year-old girl in the village of Kagarag who spoke the Uzbeg language fluently. America was shocked by the news. Moreover, panic broke out when the Institute for Linguistic Advancement issued a communiqué stating that of all the 150 million children in the United States between the ages of one and forty-five, not one speaks a word of Uzbeg. “ ... and there are unenlightened, anti-development people in this country who claim that Kagarag is located in the Uzbeg Republic, and it is not in the least remarkable that a girl from Kagarag speaks the Uzbeg language. The mere existence of such fools makes it difficult for us to keep up with the Russians.” “October 1, 1967. The Senate has made the study of Uzbeg compulsory from the age of one.... The breweries of the nation have be20 the hungarian student
