Torsello, Davide - Pappová, Melinda: Social Networks in Movement. Time, interaction and interethnic spaces in Central Eastern Europe - Nostra Tempora 8. (Somorja-Dunaszerdahely, 2003)
Time and social networks
74 Davide Torsello where a December meeting and party organized by the Hungarian Cultural Association was being held (see below). In the main hall the atmosphere seemed one of celebration, even though not much noise and laughter was coming from the tables. Dániel explained to me that he often felt embarrassed at these events, because etiquette expected him to be with his relatives. This is why a quick escape with friends for a toast was a good opportunity to talk in a more relaxed atmosphere. I asked him if the excessive formality in family relations was not just a matter of the event and of being in the eyes of the whole community. “You know“, he said, “it is always like this. You have to behave properly in public and at home. Do you think that I can go to my uncle and tell him openly what I think of him? No way! No matter where you are, things are the same. It is the family and you have to respect it". Rigidity of etiquette in kinship relations may be a function of two factors. There is the fear of gossip, which shapes interpersonal relations and forms of behaviour properly defining what is “adequate“ and what not for the community’s standards. On the other hand, obligations between family members and expectations of behaviour are structured both emotionally and instrumentally.5 Relatives are potential helpers, therefore one needs to be on good terms with them. This constitutes one of the most basic considerations on which trust is built among affine. However, personal emotions count too. It is hard to imagine someone relying on another relative with whom there is a feud lasting for decades, not only because interaction has been broken, but also because there is the constant fear of retaliation, which makes the act of trusting useless, unless a second kind of relationship (usually friendship) mediates the distance between relatives. Trust shapes interpersonal relations between kin members on the basis of several factors. These can include the frequency of encounters between members, their spatial distance, the existence or absence of disagreements among them, the power relations dominating the group and the social and economic roles of the individuals.
