Folia Theologica et Canonica 4. 26/18 (2015)
SACRA THEOLOGIA - Sebastian Walshe, O.Praem., A sacramental theology of the family: the unity and harmony of the sacramental order
A SACRAMENTAL THEOLOGY OF THE FAMILY... 129 wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.”55 And the truth is, in spite of the cultural bias against this teaching, a wife will find it easy to be subject to her husband when she knows that he loves her as himself. For she will be secure that his choices, even when different from hers, arise from a genuine desire and will for her good and the good of the family. Whenever there is unity among diverse persons, there must be some ultimate authority to maintain that unity. And it is a revealed truth that this authority belongs to the husband.56 This is not because the husband is smarter, or holier than his wife. Even in the Holy Family this was not the case. The chief reason why the authority belongs to the husband is because he is a sign of Christ who is head of the Church. As a consequence of this. God guarantees that he will guide the husband’s choices by his special providence.57 Another property of marriage as a consequence of its sacramental meaning is that in marriage one man and one woman are inseparably united to signify that Christ is faithful and inseparably united to only one Church.58 St. Thomas teaches that among the goods of marriage, the sacramental sign is the greatest (even greater than the good of children), since it communicates grace.5'* He also teaches 55 Eph 5:22-24. This subordination is not one of servitude, but one of fundamental equality which involves mutual respect and consideration. When legitimate disagreements occur between spouses, they should discuss it reasonably, and often the wife has the more reasonable position. In such cases, the husband ought to defer to his wife’s position. But sometimes even two reasonable persons can be at an impasse, where no agreement can be reached. And in a family, there are only two parents. There is no tie-breaker vote. If the unity of the family is to be assured, it is necessary that when such an impasse takes place, there be a final authority for making important decisions which bear upon family life. 56 Of course we speak of the normal context of authentic family life, not exceptional cases. For example, if the husband is abusive towards the wife or desires that she sin, his authority is not operative in such cases since it does not reflect the legitimate authority of Christ over the Church. 57 By way of anecdotal support for this thesis, I have personally seen many cases where God works though the husband in an extraordinary manner when the husband and wife have disagreed. In one case, a young woman was having her first child. A few months before she was due, she started to itch, sometimes even on her palms. She mentioned it to her husband without much concern. But the husband was very concerned and began to research the symptoms. He discovered a rare and potentially fatal condition which could have matched her symptoms, but it was so rare that the wife did not want to spend the money or time seeing a doctor about it. But the husband insisted, and his wife was obedient. Sure enough it was the disease the husband discovered, and she received treatment which probably saved the life of both the mother and child. In another case, I knew a couple in which the wife was the more devout and faithful Catholic. In fact, the husband barely practiced his faith. She wanted to have a home birth, and told her husband. He was not in favor of the idea, but she insisted that she had researched it and prayed about it. So she refused to comply with her husband’s wishes. It turned out there were some complications during the birth so that the child died. 58 This doctrine was forcefully reasserted in the document Dominus Jesus issued by the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith (Aug. 6“1 2000). 59 S. Thomae Aquinatis, In IV Sent., d. 31 q. 1 art. 3.
