Magyar Egyház, 2009 (88. évfolyam, 1-4. szám)
2009-02-01 / 1. szám
MAGYAR EGYHÁZ 9. oldal Church Humor INNOCENCE One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on either side of it. The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time when the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex." "Good morning Pastor," he replied, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?" he asked the pastor. The pastor said, "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, asked, "Which service was that, the 9:45 or the 11:15?" NEW MEMBERS There were three country churches in a small town: the Lutheran, the Methodist and the Catholic church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels. One day, the Methodist church called a meeting to decide what to do about thp squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they, therefore, shouldn't interfere with God's divine will. The Lutheran group got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creations. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back. It was only the Catholics who were able to come up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter. HAIRCUT A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a Minister, if they could discuss his use of the family car. His father took him into his study and said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study the Bible a little, get your hair cut and then we’ll talk about it" After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. They again went in! to the father's study where the father said, "Son, I've been very proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied the Bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut." The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." The Minister said, "Yes, and everywhere they went, they walked." BEHOLD A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote on the back of it and stuck it in the door. "Revelation 3:20" Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked." Remember when the best, funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are! "A cheerful heart is good medicine" (Proverbs 17:22a) Easter Fun-Liners Easter is when everybody dresses up for Jesus’ big coming out party. Pastors work extra hard on their Easter sermons. After all, on Easter, nobody wants to lay an egg. How can you have a holiday without a football game? You know, I guess Christians really are a peculiar people. I grew up poor in the South. On Easter we always had a hush puppy hunt. The night before, the whole family would sit around, coloring hush puppies. When I was a kid I really hated wearing a suit on Easter Sunday. I always thought it was hard to praise the Lord when you felt like a Sears mannequin. You have two choices this Easter: you can be fashionable- or you can look good. Let’s face it. We have to buy a new Easter outfit this year- because we can’t fit into last year’s. Easter is when a lot of people repent - and wish they’d bought the outfit that was on sale. When Judas was paid 30 pieces of silver, it was dirty money. In biblical times a guy who dirty money was condemned. Today he gets elected. Our son is hard to please. He likes those candy Easter eggs, but he wants them scrambled. Take my advice: don't hide Easter eggs inside the house. There'll always be one egg you won't find — until you notice the purple cockroaches. Today’s money-saving Easter tip. Make the kids’ plastic Easter-basket grass yourself — just run a Hefty bag through the pasta maker. Today’s Easter warning for pastors. Remember, if you preach too long at the Easter youth service, you’ll never be able to duck all the jelly beans. The young ladies I know don’t wear bonnets, even on Easter. Maybe that old song should go like this: I could write a rap, - About your Easter cap. The Easter Bunny must be a male. Who else would think it’s cool to leave eggs in shoes? Did you ever wonder why we always leave cookies and milk out for Santa Claus, but we never leave a salad out for the Easter Bunny? Did you ever wonder what the Easter Bunny picks up on his rabbit ears? Have you ever wondered, since eggs become so much more appealing to kids when you color them and hide them, if that would also work for broccoli? Have you ever noticed on Easter how husbands tend to hide the Cadbury Creme Eggs where only they can find them? Sunday is Easter, a time to celebrate new life with maybe a new outfit, an Easter egg hunt, or just a prayer of Thanksgiving and a warm feeling. And I know somehow, somewhere, before the day is over, I'm gonna consume an entire chocolate bunny. You can tell it's almost Easter. All the teenagers are coloring their Easter hair. I asked my teenage son if he was going to sunrise service on Easter. He said, "What’s a sunrise?"
